Catching a Flick While Chores Get Done

 Our house is about medium-small. It used to feel much bigger but our family size doubled and it now feels much smaller. Being a smaller house has its perks. I always know where everyone is, even if they’re not in sight. DS has no idea where anyone is. He’s always asking, “Where are you?’” We’ve only hidden from him once but now he thinks we hide from him all the time.

Now we say, “In here.” many times a day. You’d think that he would be able to hear our voice and find us but what really happens is he walks toward our voice and asks, “Where?”

I usually answer, “Here” and then leave to go in another room. He goes to the room where he heard my voice and I come in behind him and say, “I’m right here. What do you want?”

This confuses my already confused husband and also always scares him. Sometimes I don’t come up behind him and just keep switching rooms. He ends up calling me on my cell phone. “Where are you?’” I usually end up telling him. Then he hangs up and comes straight into the room.

One time my sister picked the kids and I up for the day and DS called. “Where are you?” Oops, I forgot to tell him we were leaving.

“I’m in the basement.” He called back. “Where are you now?”

“I’m in the bathroom. Can’t a person have any peace?” He called back. “Where are the kids?”

“I’ll call you back.” He must have thought I was really busy in the bathroom and I’m thankful for times like these that we have two bathrooms, so he had somewhere to go while I was gone.

He text messaged me. ‘R U alright?’

I wrote back. “Can U mow the lawn?” This bought me some time and I forgot all about him until he called again.

“Where’s your purse?” I know this means he can’t find his keys and he wants to use mine.

“Where are you going?”

“I need gas for the weed whacker.”

“You’re not using that thing right now.” He knows this means I don’t have any band-aids.

“I’ll pick some up while I’m there.” he said.

My purse that had the keys in it were with me, of course, but I told him that if it wasn’t on the table then he must have moved it. He hung up to look for my purse.

Meanwhile, at the movie theater, I turned the phone to ‘silence’. After the movie there were 3 voice mail messages asking me where I was and 4 text messages that were changed up sometimes asking where I was and sometimes asking where the kids were.

I called him back. “Did you find my purse?”

“No.” I hung up.

This bought me some more time and now because he thought I was mad, my dishes were going to get done. He thinks doing the dishes makes up for whatever he has done. I rarely do dishes.

After sufficient time passed and the dishes were done, I text messaged, “Dog needs bath.”

While we waited for the waitress to bring us our order, I called to see if DS was getting everything done. “Where are you?” I asked.

“In the laundry room, putting towels in the wash.”

“Check and see if there’s any clothes on the floor in the bedrooms.”

Later I wrote him and told him I had trouble flushing the toilet earlier and needed him to plunger it. I then quickly wrote another one and said, “U could clean it 2.”

My sister dropped us off back home. I went into the kitchen and put my purse on the table and started to make dinner. DS walked in the kitchen and I asked, “Where’d you find it?” nodding to my purse.


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